Jokes and Lessons
You can have everything in life that you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want
“You can have everything in life that you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want.”
Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room’s only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.
Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.
The man in the other bed began to live for those one-hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.
The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.
As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.
One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man couldn’t hear the band — he could see it. In his mind’s eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.
Days and weeks passed. One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.
As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he as comfortable, she left him alone.
Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed. It faced a blank wall.
The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window. The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall. She said, “Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.”
Three Idiots
A policeman was testing 3 brothers who were training to become detectives.
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first brother a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”
The first brother answers, “That’s easy, we’ll catch him fast because he only has one eye!” The policeman says, “Well…uh… that’s because the picture I showed is his side profile.”
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second brother and asks him, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”
The second brother smiles and says, “Ha! He’d be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!” The policeman angrily responds,
“What’s the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it’s a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?”
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third brother and in a very testy voice asks, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?
He quickly adds, “Think hard before giving me a stupid answer.” The brother looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, “The suspect wears contact lenses.” The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really
doesn’t know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. “Well, that’s an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I’ll get back to you on that.” He leaves the room and goes to his office,
checks the suspect’s file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
“Wow! I can’t believe it. It’s TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?”
“That’s easy,” the third brother replied. “He can’t wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.
Nobody Can imagine what’s in her mind.
A smartly attired lady was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and habby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.
She took out her wallet, removed ten dollars and asked,
‘If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?’
‘No, I had to stop drinking years ago’, the homeless woman told her.
‘Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?’ the lady asked.
‘No, I don’t waste time shopping,’ the homeless woman said. ‘I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.’
‘Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?’ the lady asked.
‘Are you NUTS!’ replied the homeless woman. I haven’t had my hair done in 20 years!’
‘Well, the lady said, ‘I’m not going to give you the money. Instead, I’m going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.’
The homeless Woman was shocked. ‘Won’t your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.’ The lady replied, ‘That’s okay. It’s important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.’
Father and Son… A very Touchy Story.
An 80 year old man was sitting on the sofa in his house along with his 45 years old highly educated son. Suddenly a crow perched on their window.
The Father asked his Son, “What is this?”
The Son replied “It is a crow”.
After a few minutes, the Father asked his Son the 2nd time, “What is this?”
The Son said “Father, I have just now told you “It’s a crow”.
After a little while, the old Father again asked his Son the 3rd time, What is this?”
At this time some ex-press ion of irritation was felt in the Son’s tone when he said to his Father with a rebuff. “It’s a crow, a crow”.
A little after, the Father again asked his Son the 4th time, “What is this?”
This time the Son shouted at his Father, “Why do you keep asking me the same question again and again, although I have told you so many times ‘IT IS A CROW’. Are you not able to understand this?”
A little later the Father went to his room and came back with an old tattered diary, which he had maintained since his Son was born. On opening a page, he asked his Son to read that page.
When the son read it, the following words were written in the diary :-
“Today my little son aged three was sitting with me on the sofa, when a crow was sitting on the window. My Son asked me 23 times what it was, and I replied to him all 23 times that it was a Crow. I hugged him lovingly each time he asked me the same question again and again for 23 times.
I did not at all feel irritated I rather felt affection for my innocent child”.
While the little child asked him 23 times “What is this”, the Father had felt no irritation in replying to the same question all 23 times and when today the Father asked his Son the same question just 4 times, the Son felt irritated and annoyed.
So..
If your parents attain old age, do not repulse them or look at them as a burden, but speak to them a gracious word, be cool, obedient, humble and kind to them. Be considerate to your parents.From today say this aloud, “I want to see my parents happy forever. They have cared for me ever since I was a little child. They have always showered their selfless love on me. They crossed all mountains and valleys without seeing the storm and heat to make me a person presentable in the society today”.
Say a prayer to God, “I will serve my old parents in the BEST way. I will say all good and kind words to my dear parents, no matter how they behave.
Why husband should not answer…..
WIFE: ‘What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
HUSBAND: ‘Definitely not!
WIFE: ‘Why not? Don’t you like being married?’
HUSBAND: ‘Of course I do.
WIFE: ‘Then why wouldn’t you remarry?
HUSBAND: ‘Okay, okay, I’d get married again.’
WIFE: ‘You would?’
HUSBAND: …….?
WIFE: ‘Would you live in our house?’
HUSBAND: ‘Sure, it’s a great house.’
WIFE: ‘Would you let her drive my car?’
HUSBAND: ‘Probably, it is almost new.’
WIFE: ‘Would you replace my pictures with hers?’
HUSBAND: ‘That would seem like the proper thing to do..’
WIFE: ‘Would you give her my jewelry?’
HUSBAND: ‘No, I’m sure she’d want her own.’
WIFE: ‘Would she wear my shoes’
HUSBAND: ‘No, her size is 6.’
WIFE: — silence …….
HUSBAND: ‘oh shit’.
Pay Attention
1st year students of MBBS were attending their 1st anatomy class. They all gathered around the surgery table with a real dead dog. The Professor started class by telling two important qualities as a Doctor.
The 1st is that NEVER BE DISGUSTED FOR ANYTHING ABOUT BODY, e.g. He inserted his finger in dog’s mouth & on drawing back tasted it in his own mouth.
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Then he said them to do the same. The students hesitated for several minutes. But eventually everyone inserted their fingers in dog’s mouth & then tasted it.
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When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said:
The most important 2nd quality is OBSERVATION, I inserted my Middle finger but tasted the Index finger. Now learn to pay attention.
Life is tough but it’s A Lot Tougher when you are “Not Paying Attention”
ALWAYS ASK, NEVER ASSUME !!
A CNN News photographer called the local airport to charter a flight. He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.
Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, ‘Let’s go’.
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off. Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, ‘Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.’
‘Why?’ asked the pilot.
‘Because I’m a photographer for CNN’ , he responded, ‘and I need to get some close up shots.’
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, ‘So, what you’re telling me, is . . . You’re NOT my flight instructor?’
Me & My Boss
When I Take a long time to finish, I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough
When I don’t do it, I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it, he is busy,
When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart,
When my boss does the same, he takes the initiative,
When I please my boss, I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss, he is cooperating,
When I make a mistake, I’ am an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake, he’s only human.
When I am out of the office, I am wondering around.
When my boss is out of the office, he’s on business.
When I am on a day off sick, I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.
When I apply for leave, I must be going for an interview
When my boss applies for leave, it’s because he’s overworked
When I do good, my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong, he never forgets
Heart of Gratitude!!!
A blind boy sat on the steps of a building with a hat by his feet. He held up a sign which said: “I am blind, please help.” There were only a few coins in the hat.
A man was walking by. He took a few coins from his pocket and dropped them into the hat. He then took the sign, turned it around, and wrote some words. He put the sign back so that everyone who walked by would see the new words.
Soon the hat began to fill up. A lot more people were giving money to the blind boy. That afternoon the man who had changed the sign came to see how things were. The boy recognized his footsteps and asked, “Were you the one who changed my sign this morning? What did you write?”
The man said, “I only wrote the truth. I said what you said but in a different way.”
I wrote: “Today is a beautiful day but I cannot see it.”
Both signs told people that the boy was blind. But the first sign simply said the boy was blind. The second sign told people that they were so lucky that they were not blind. Should we be surprised that the second sign was more effective?
Moral of the Story: Be thankful for what you have.. Be creative. Be innovative. Think differently and positively.
When life gives you a 100 reasons to cry, show life that you have 1000 reasons to smile Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear. Keep the faith and drop the fear.
The most beautiful thing is to see a person smiling…
And even more beautiful is, knowing that you are the reason behind it!!!
Susral Ganda Phool?
Here is another question for everyone. Please think positive and answer this question. Lets see what you think about this?
LARKI NY GHAR CHORA TU SUSRAAL MILY.
BHAI CHORA TU DEVAR MILA.
BEHAN CHORI TU NAND MILY.
MAA BAAP CHORAY TU SAAS OR SUSRAAL MILY.
KIA CHORA TU HASBAND MILA?
NAIL IN THE FENCE
There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence.
Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, “You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one.. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out.
It won’t matter how many times you say I’m sorry, the wound is still there.
A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.
Hamsaai set ho gayee…
Once there was a boy who loved a girl but that girl only hated him, boy asked the girl that he will change her hatred to love and he asked girl that he will stand in front of her house till next 100 days. storms and rains came but boy didn’t moved. With the passage of days that girl started falling in love with him on 99th day the girl decided that she will say that she also loves him with the rise of sun of 100th day, the girl went out but the boy wasn’t there. she was worried then she found a paper on which it was written “Tere chakar mein teri hamsaai set ho gai hai”
Softwarism:( Ultimate. …):
Specially for the IT Professionals.
Client has 2 cows and u need to milk them
1 . First prepare a document when to milk them (Project kick off)
2 . Prepare a document how long you have to milk them (Project plan)
3 . Then prepare how to milk them (Design)
4 . Then prepare what other accessories are needed to milk them (Framework)
5 . Then prepare a 2 dummy cows (sort of toy cows) and show to client the way in which u will milk them (UI Mockups & POC)
6 . If client is not satisfied then redo from step 2
7 . You actually start milking them and find that there are few problem with accessories. (Change framework)
8 . Redo step 4
9 . At last milk them and send it to onsite. (Coding over)
10. Make sure that cow milks properly ( Testing)
11. Onsite reports that it is not milking there.
12. You break your head and find that onsite is trying to milk from bulls
13. At last onsite milk them and send to client (Testing)
14. Client says the quality of milk is not good. (User Acceptance Test)
15. Offsite then slogs and improves the quality of milk
16. Now the client says that the quality is good but its milking at slow rate (performance issue)
17. Again you slog and send it with good performance.
18. Client is happy???
By this time both the COWs aged and cant milk. (The software got old and get ready for next release repeat from step 1) !!!!!
ATTITUDE IN OUR LIFE
ATTITUDE IS WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT…….
1. SOLDIER : SIR, WE ARE SURROUNDED FROM ALL SIDES BY ENEMIES.
MAJOR : EXCELLENT! WE CAN ATTACK IN ANY DIRECTION.
2. EVERY ONE KNOWS ABOUT ALEXANDER GRAHAM BELL, WHO INVENTED THE TELEPHONE, BUT HE NEVER MADE A CALL TO HIS FAMILY. BECAUSE, HIS WIFE AND DAUGHTER WERE DEAF. THAT’S LIFE “LIVE FOR OTHERS”.
3. THE WORST IN LIFE IS “ATTACHMENT” . IT HURTS WHEN YOU LOSE IT. THE BEST THING IN LIFE IS “LONELINESS” BECAUSE IT TEACHES YOU EVERYTHING; AND WHEN YOU LOSE IT, YOU GET EVERYTHING.
4. LIFE IS NOT ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO ACT TRUE TO YOUR FACE…….. IT’S ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO REMAIN TRUE BEHIND YOUR BACK.
5. IF AN EGG IS BROKEN BY AN OUTSIDE FORCE…..A LIFE ENDS. IF AN EGG BREAKS FROM WITHIN…… .LIFE BEGINS. GREAT THINGS ALWAYS BEGIN FROM WITHIN.
6. IT’S BETTER TO LOSE YOUR EGO TO THE ONE YOU LOVE, THAN TO LOSE THE ONE YOU LOVE BECAUSE OF EGO.
7. A RELATIONSHIP DOESN’T SHINE BY JUST SHAKING HANDSAT THE BEST OF TIMES. BUT IT BLOSSOMS BY HOLDING FIRMLY IN CRITICAL SITUATIONS.
8. HEATED GOLD BECOMES ORNAMENTS. BETTED COPPER BECOMES WIRES. DEPLETED STONE BECOMES STATUE. SO, THE MORE PAIN YOU GET IN YOUR LIFE, THE MORE VALUABLE YOU BECOME.
9. WHEN YOU TRUST SOMEONE, TRUST HIM COMPLETELY WITHOUT ANY DOUBT. AT THE END YOU WOULD GET ONE OF THE TWO : EITHER A LESSON FOR YOUR LIFE OR A VERY GOOD PERSON.
10. WHY WE HAVE SO MANY MOSQUES, IF GOD IS EVERYWHERE? A WISE MAN SAID : AIR IS EVERYWHERE, BUT WE STILL NEED A FAN TO FEEL IT.
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