Nobody Can imagine what’s in her mind.

A smartly attired lady was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and habby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.

She took out her wallet, removed ten dollars and asked,

‘If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?’
‘No, I had to stop drinking years ago’, the homeless woman told her.

‘Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?’ the lady asked.
‘No, I don’t waste time shopping,’ the homeless woman said. ‘I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.’

‘Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?’ the lady asked.
‘Are you NUTS!’ replied the homeless woman. I haven’t had my hair done in 20 years!’

‘Well, the lady said, ‘I’m not going to give you the money. Instead, I’m going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.’
The homeless Woman was shocked. ‘Won’t your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.’ The lady replied, ‘That’s okay. It’s important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.’

Why husband should not answer…..

WIFE: ‘What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
HUSBAND: ‘Definitely not!
WIFE: ‘Why not? Don’t you like being married?’
HUSBAND: ‘Of course I do.
WIFE: ‘Then why wouldn’t you remarry?
HUSBAND: ‘Okay, okay, I’d get married again.’
WIFE: ‘You would?’
HUSBAND: …….?
WIFE: ‘Would you live in our house?’
HUSBAND: ‘Sure, it’s a great house.’
WIFE: ‘Would you let her drive my car?’
HUSBAND: ‘Probably, it is almost new.’
WIFE: ‘Would you replace my pictures with hers?’
HUSBAND: ‘That would seem like the proper thing to do..’
WIFE: ‘Would you give her my jewelry?’
HUSBAND: ‘No, I’m sure she’d want her own.’
WIFE: ‘Would she wear my shoes’
HUSBAND: ‘No, her size is 6.’
WIFE: — silence …….
HUSBAND: ‘oh shit’.

The Secret to a Happy Married Life

Once I was asked by my Friend, “What is the secret behind your happy married life?”

I said, “You should share responsibilities with due love and Respect each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems.”

He asked, “Can you explain?”

I said, “In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other’s decisions.”

Still not convinced, Friend asked me “Give me some examples”

I said,” Smaller issues like, which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator , monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it”

He asked, “Then what is your role?”

I said,” My decisions are only for very big issues. Like effects of Global Warming, whether America should attack Iran, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkar should retire, etc etc and Do you know one thing,

My wife NEVER, EVER objects to any of these”…………!!!!!!

Installing Husband – MUST READ

A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I Noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0..

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and SPORTS 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system..

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5..3 to fix these
problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed, _______

<<<<<< Reply >>>>>>

DEAR Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5..

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited
memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.

Good Luck Madam!