A smartly attired lady was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and habby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.
She took out her wallet, removed ten dollars and asked,
‘If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?’
‘No, I had to stop drinking years ago’, the homeless woman told her.
‘Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?’ the lady asked.
‘No, I don’t waste time shopping,’ the homeless woman said. ‘I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.’
‘Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?’ the lady asked.
‘Are you NUTS!’ replied the homeless woman. I haven’t had my hair done in 20 years!’
‘Well, the lady said, ‘I’m not going to give you the money. Instead, I’m going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.’
The homeless Woman was shocked. ‘Won’t your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.’ The lady replied, ‘That’s okay. It’s important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.’
WIFE: ‘What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
HUSBAND: ‘Definitely not!
WIFE: ‘Why not? Don’t you like being married?’
HUSBAND: ‘Of course I do.
WIFE: ‘Then why wouldn’t you remarry?
HUSBAND: ‘Okay, okay, I’d get married again.’
WIFE: ‘You would?’
WIFE: ‘Would you live in our house?’
HUSBAND: ‘Sure, it’s a great house.’
WIFE: ‘Would you let her drive my car?’
HUSBAND: ‘Probably, it is almost new.’
WIFE: ‘Would you replace my pictures with hers?’
HUSBAND: ‘That would seem like the proper thing to do..’
WIFE: ‘Would you give her my jewelry?’
HUSBAND: ‘No, I’m sure she’d want her own.’
WIFE: ‘Would she wear my shoes’
HUSBAND: ‘No, her size is 6.’
WIFE: — silence …….
HUSBAND: ‘oh shit’.
Once I was asked by my Friend, “What is the secret behind your happy married life?”
I said, “You should share responsibilities with due love and Respect each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems.”
He asked, “Can you explain?”
I said, “In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other’s decisions.”
Still not convinced, Friend asked me “Give me some examples”
I said,” Smaller issues like, which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator , monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it”
He asked, “Then what is your role?”
I said,” My decisions are only for very big issues. Like effects of Global Warming, whether America should attack Iran, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkar should retire, etc etc and Do you know one thing,
My wife NEVER, EVER objects to any of these”…………!!!!!!